Every family will differ, but what should you do to get everyone through the divorce? There are some guidelines that you can follow to make it less painful for the whole family. If you are one of the parents involved, you should stay patient. Encourage your children to openly discuss their feelings, whether positive or negative. No one marries with the plan of divorcing, but it happens, so you should never be too hard on yourself. Some of the key characteristics that can aid the healing process include:
- Self Control
When you are stuck in a marriage where you are not happy, it can have a huge impact on your quality of life. Arguing with someone every day will be of no help to anyone, including the children. During a divorce, you should sit down with your children and discuss it. However, keep the discussion separate from your own feelings. Many times, children feel a sense of loss when parents divorce, and they may blame you or the other parent for the upheaval in their lives. Before you have a discussion with them, have answers ready to address the major concerns.
In some cases, talking to your children about the divorce could be an ongoing process. As your children age, they may have questions that they did not have before. You want to keep the table open for dialogue. Depending on how you get along with your ex, you could sit down with them to plan how you will talk to your children. However, divorce can be hard for the whole family, including you. If you do not feel that you could do it without losing your calm, you can ask for a relative or friend to talk to them. While seeing a parent get sad or upset is okay, you do not want them to see you too emotional. This can cause the children to feel responsible for the divorce.
Earliest Stages the Hardest: How to Get through Them
Some areas have excellent coping programs for the families of divorce. Getting through the early stages can be the most difficult because it starts a new change. A lot of children will have unresolved emotions about a divorce. For example, they could feel that they were the cause of the issue. In some cases, children may have overheard their parents arguing over them. This can worry them about their future. You have to emphasize that everything will be okay. The majority of the impact from divorce will be felt over a two to three-year duration, when you are first figuring out how it works.
Every family will be different, but to reduce the stress, never let your children overhear you arguing or make them take sides. Children will naturally take sides, but this will not help with the healing process. You have to stay patient because everyone will heal at a different speed.
During a divorce, having a solid support system can help. Help from friends, family and church organizations can prove invaluable to everyone involved. Whenever possible, you want to encourage your children to have a positive outlook on divorce. Do your best to keep old family traditions alive to ensure that you continue to build memories with your loved ones.
Christopher Steven is an avid blogger from Tulsa, Oklahoma who is passionate about encouraging healthy family values for all communities while working with the Gorospe & Smith Tulsa Divorce Law Firm in his own community.